I used to get upset at being ambushed with these issues (“where are the women in this conference panel?”) but these days the problem with such a situation is intuitively clear to me. However, I’d have a hard time defending either position without getting into really intense intellectual pretzel-twisting…
Gender issues worry me and freak me out, especially when they’re hashed out in the middle of jumpy accusations, shuddering angst and boiling resentment. I guess my new rule in life is that I’m not going to worry about whether I’m “feminist enough” for undergrad Dworkinites who get off on searching for reductive strawmen everywhere. Don’t grind that gender axe with me; I don’t play that game, that’s all.
From a recent email I wrote:
I also think part of my problem here is that I come at it from a very abstract/conceptual angle. The only line I’m trying to draw is to say “things are complex, not black and white.” What works in an interaction with one person pisses off someone else. So it’s less about “you’re an evil woman hater vs you’re okay” than about being sensitive to what environment you’re in, how much trust your audience has for you, etc.
So I’ve completely replaced my political sensibility when it comes to this issue which just fucks with my head because of how little consistency it has across environments with a social-expectations or boundaries-based sensibility. In some way this is instinctive right?
Another thing that helps me ‘desensitize’ to this issue a bit is to realize, look, nobody can colonize my mind. If I don’t understand why someone’s so angry about something or won’t accept their take 100% off the bat I can choose to disengage rather than fruitlessly go round in circles of misunderstandings on both sides.
Why is it so difficult to have these discussions.. safely? With a little bit of trust and faith and in each other? It’s hard to find room to grow when someone’s intent on pinning you in formaldehyde.
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