So here it is! Your cut-and-keep guide to what people say vs. what people really mean: post-coming out edition. Hope you find it useful too! I’m considering making a board game version of this and calling it Rosie Boycott Bingo.
- When someone says:
“I have too much respect for myself ever to do that.”
What they mean is:
“My self-esteem is so fragile that stepping outside the mainstream would mess it up for life.”- When someone says:
“She’s not even that good-looking.”
What they mean is:
“This woman’s choices make me uncomfortable but I don’t have the intelligence to address that so will criticise her looks instead.”- When someone says:
“See? Other people in her family have problems. That explains everything.”
What they mean is:
“In spite of the fact that all families have difficulties, I’m going to pretend otherwise in order to make an ad hominem attack.”- When someone says:
“Stories like this glamourise a trade that enslaves and kills women.”
What they mean is:
“I don’t actually know the difference between the separate issues affecting call girls, massage parlours, brothels, and streetwalkers, and I’m not going to bother finding out.”- When someone says:
“I wouldn’t pay £300 for that.”
What they mean is:
“I think a woman’s value, sexual or otherwise, is entirely based on her looks.”- When someone says:
“I have similar factors in my life and didn’t choose this route.”
What they mean is:
“I am unfamiliar with the notion that free will more or less assures that people will makes decisions I would not have done.”- When someone says:
“If she liked the job so much why isn’t she still doing it?”
What they mean is:
“I don’t believe people can, or should, change direction in their lives without self-hatred and regret.”